Month: March 2011

This revelation yesterday at breakfast after I prepared an omelet from his grandmother’s recipe: cock-tails of yet another “prior” immediately after Ron booted me out of Cambridge, this one named Laurie, a pretty blonde student at Skidmore (Saratoga Springs, NY) whom he met at the Plough and the Stars.

In the afternoon, we had a ritual dismemberment of a blonde Barbie ballerina purchased on the cheap at the Christmas Tree Shop. Ron offered to buy the doll and I asked him to pick one that reminded him of Laurie.

I cut off the Barbie’s hair and wrote the names of Ron’s priors on its plastic body. I drew eyeglasses on the Barbie in an attempt to make it as ugly as I am; unfortunately, it didn’t work.

I smashed the doll with a hammer. Its head was the first to fly off, then the torso, then the arms and legs.

It didn’t help. My heart is broken over my inadequacies as a sexy, feminine, female person. Everything I am and everything I’ve accomplished are nothing compared to a pretty body and a pretty face.

I hate this.

Frost again last night. Good grief, it’s only a week and a half to April; are we done yet?

Emme came over for the afternoon, and she and I made a second, superior version of Ron’s sour cream chocolate cake. Candy gave me a 12-cup bundt pan, which is very helpful; I won’t have to hunt around for one now.

Grandpa himself has been flattened the last 24 hours with severe back pain. I thought it was due to a too-soft mattress, so he slept on the hard mattress in the guest room/office last night. He’s been sleeping a lot, almost 9 hours last night/this morning alone. Yesterday, he took too many pain meds and slept for most of the afternoon.

This morning, though, he told me he has a headache and stomach and intestinal problems in addition to muscle pain. Sounds like flu. He’s staying in bed and drinking clear fluids.

He did put up two more tool hangars in the shed, which is fantastic: now all the garden tools have a place rather than being hung from nails or shoved into a corner.

I’ve been doing a lot of cooking this week and plan to take today off. We have a lot of left-overs. I’ve made roast chicken and subsequently chicken pie; New England boiled dinner; fluffy omelette from Anna Belle Todd’s original recipe; stir fry; oatmeal; bread; turkey breakfast sausage; cantaloupe and prosciutto; strawberry shortcake. We picked up a two-fer on pizza the other day which was a break although it wasn’t very good (better on reheating).

Ron mentioned how much he would like us to have a juicer, so I dug up mine from the basement. We cleaned it out and made fresh carrot juice the other day.

Unsettling to get up to darkness today, the first morning of this year’s Daylight Savings Time.

More dreams last night, one about a blond-haired delinquent boy who let loose a swarm of nasty, potentially poisonous flying critters that bite and then who started a fire that extinguished itself but left a mess in an outdoor grill.

An adult drew a picture of the critters and posted it on an information board. That was the sum of the inadequate response by those in authority to the danger: watch out, every man for himself.

In a different dream, I was a student but couldn’t remember the building where I kept my notes and study materials. I think someone tried to seduce me as I wandered around, confused and vulnerable.

I think this is the second recent dream in which I couldn’t remember where my belongings were.

Had my birthday brunch yesterday at Persy’s Place in the Inn on the Square in Falmouth. Nice meal, popular spot.

I’ve talked with Ron about my concerns that he may not be able to be a supportive partner. He tried to reassure me, which I appreciate, but his actions so far have not been comforting. Unlike Judy, I’m not on any of his insurances(!) He hasn’t provided for survivor benefits, either.

Today – actually, around 8 pm – will be my 65th birthday.

A year ago, I had no idea that I’d be married at this time of life, and to the one I love the most at that.

I’ve been busy preparing for our next conjugal visit. Was in Norwell yesterday and did some food and linen shopping on the way back.

Today will be a bit lonesome: the Cohens are at PAXEast, so I’m on duty to feed Max. Friends are busy and I’ll either see them either tonight at Candy’s St. Pat’s party or tomorrow at the “Biddy Brunch”.

I cleaned out closets a couple of days ago and have some stuff to unload at the transfer station and a thrift shop.

Ron will be flying out on Monday night/Tuesday morning.

So, for the moment, it’s just Fluffles and me. That’s fine: it’s absolutely gorgeous out now, a good day to do something special.

I’m told that if you tap your heels together 3 times, these shoes will transport you anywhere you want to go.

Ron is absolutely right, and insightful as well: we learned a lot of wrong stuff from our priors. On top of everything else we’ve tackled over the past couple of months, we’ve been going through the painful process of unlearning.

Yesterday was very busy – Sandy treated me to a delightful birthday lunch at Luciano’s in Wrentham and I had some errands to run, including transfer station with Peter and cleaning up the grass garden at Edgewater. I was very tired and went to bed early, got 8+ solid hours.

It’s gray and quiet outside right now, and the big pine tree across the street reminds me of Carmel and 17-mile drive.

Ron had a follow-on appointment with his back doctor yesterday and received my tax docs.

Brian from E.F. Winslow replaced yet another expensive part on the furnace yesterday. I’m out of my mind with this. Not looking forward to explaining this to Ed.

Tiny paw prints on the deck. Something has been visiting us at night, and obviously, the attack cat is not effective at keeping him or her away!

In a spontaneous burst of introspection the other day, Ron said he puts me at the “top of the heap” of his love connections because I “make more sense” than all of his priors.

That made me feel pretty good!

He also said that we have the same sense of humor, like the same things, and complement each other through our different world experiences.

I would say this man has his head in the right place, i.e., above his shoulders. Let’s hope it stays there!