I think I was deeply traumatized when Sandy was born, and I’ve been terrified of being replaced by small, dark women ever since.
Ron was at his wit’s end with me today but he stuck with me as I managed to find the bottom of all the pain and loss that I’ve been feeling since we got back together again last Fall.
I’ve wanted him to understand that the treatment of large, ugly women is as cruel and unjust as any other kind of discrimination that’s based on looks.
I’ve wanted him to acknowledge that he bought into that line of garbage foisted by the Jewish-dominated fashion and entertainment industry that only the Audrey Hepburn types are “beautiful”. I wanted him to admit that was the reason that he rejected me, that he was searching for the perfect woman and not having found her, realized late in life that a good person (me) was standing under yonder tree.
The hatred and sadism I’ve faced because of my appearance made life a torture chamber for my first 65 years. I want to escape. I’ve asked Ron to help me.
We got our third air conditioner yesterday via Walmart.com. Shipping cost for Saturday Fedex delivery was an astonishing 97 cents!
After a $400+ service job, the truck a/c died again, and Hyannis Toyota is making it good: they failed to catch that the compressor was bad, so they’ve promised to replace it free of charge!
Saw the first nasturtium bud today. Hoping that the Joe Pye weed starts to bloom this week. Didn’t do much with the garden this weekend besides some dead-heading. Ron and I repaired the screen doors at Edgewater, and he attached a grill to the front door to protect it from kids crashing into it.
Threw the turnip seeds into the ground today.
Picked the first tiny potato!!!
Ron told me a story a while back that “stuck” about a passionate interlude he shared with a ballet dancer named Sally after being inspired by the life-affirming film “Zorba the Greek”.
I wasn’t planning this consciously, but last night, I asked him to watch one of favorite guilty pleasures, “Dirty Dancing”, perhaps hoping to recapture some of the magic Ron experienced with the ballet dancer years ago.
Without going into a lot of detail, the aftermath was about what I should have anticipated, given Ron’s history with beautiful, slim, desirable women.
Sometimes I wonder about what myself and what I expect from this good man who married me out of a sense of responsibility and respect.
Fed the roses this week. We watered on Monday and Tuesday and got over an inch of rain on Wednesday night. Sprayed “8” on the grass at the edge of the garden to cut down on earwigs.
Larkspur is blooming.
Ron’s friend Bonnie and her husband Joe are due tomorrow, so we packed in almost two days of errands and yardwork today.
Ron mowed yesterday and we had some rain last night. I replaced the violas in the second window box with marigolds. We did the transfer station run for here and Edgewater and had a nice short visit with Peter.
I dropped off DVDs to the library and picked up some things at Roche and the hardware store. We went to Botello to browse.
The big deal was moving the pumpkin out of the garden. Ron had to cut the fence but he patched it and it looks fine. I 8’d the lupine and dead-headed the roses.
The hyssop is gorgeous and the lavender, Stella d’Oros and Evening Primrose have started. Waiting for the potentilla and the hydrangeas now that the lilacs have gone by.
I got Ron a 1 TB external drive for Father’s Day.
Ron made a really nice salad last night and after our holiday from the kitchen in Rindge last week, I’m back in the mode of cooking as well.
We’ve eaten grilled swordfish, chicken, steak and cod over the last couple of days. I made a big fruit salad: grapes, watermelon, blueberries, cantaloupe, bananas, apple.
Whatever I was doing last year, it wasn’t as good as this.
Ron worked for a good part of yesterday afternoon to get the electric trimmer working, and he was busy for part of this morning cleaning up after the weekend’s mow.
We bought an electric edger which he also used to define the garden beds. This was after a big disappointment with a manual edger. April lent us her gas-powered machine, which started up great, but failed after a short run. I brought it to our small engine repair place.
We’ve been able to eat outside, which has been really nice. Did a lot of watering today and used the big a/c for the first time. It did a great job cooling the kitchen and living room. That and a small a/c in one of the bedrooms pretty much takes care of the whole house.