This revelation yesterday at breakfast after I prepared an omelet from his grandmother’s recipe: cock-tails of yet another “prior” immediately after Ron booted me out of Cambridge, this one named Laurie, a pretty blonde student at Skidmore (Saratoga Springs, NY) whom he met at the Plough and the Stars.
In the afternoon, we had a ritual dismemberment of a blonde Barbie ballerina purchased on the cheap at the Christmas Tree Shop. Ron offered to buy the doll and I asked him to pick one that reminded him of Laurie.
I cut off the Barbie’s hair and wrote the names of Ron’s priors on its plastic body. I drew eyeglasses on the Barbie in an attempt to make it as ugly as I am; unfortunately, it didn’t work.
I smashed the doll with a hammer. Its head was the first to fly off, then the torso, then the arms and legs.
It didn’t help. My heart is broken over my inadequacies as a sexy, feminine, female person. Everything I am and everything I’ve accomplished are nothing compared to a pretty body and a pretty face.
I hate this.