A1!

We can use toilet paper again: wahoo.

The sewer line wasn’t just clogged, it was split almost in two. The backhoe driver was nice enough to dig up a gone-by bush nearby. They saved some big stones for decorative use.

Carpenter had to cancel, his child is very sick, may be pneumonia. Scary times with all the pulmonary illnesses around for young kids. Hope she’ll be well soon.

Poor Ron worked like a dog to put together the CD shelving that I bought. It was one of the worst pieces of knock-down furniture I’ve ever seen, and I apologized, profusely. After getting the OK from Home Depot online customer service, Ron returned it, unassembled, to the Bennington store.

More grief from National Grid over their nonfunctional website. I paid the February bill over the phone. Spoke with a very professional supervisor who tried to help me. It’s been over two weeks since they reported the malfunction to their IT department on January 3.

Still Lost; Found; Roofing Materials

I haven’t found:

  • one drawer for a small bureau
  • Ron’s Buffalo Insurance Company sign (ordered a new one)
  • Teacups and saucers
  • Ron’s second computer with his music
  • The top of the popcorn cooker (ordered a new, bigger one)
  • The sink-side container of Krud Kutter (repurposed and filled an unused spray bottle)

I have found:

  • the Roku, HDMI cable and remote for the second TV (unfortunately, cracked in moving, ordered a new one, very inexpensive)
  • Ron’s external drive with all his music and the HDMI/USB cable
  • Ron’s newer hearing aids

With Ron’s help, got some wall decor up, .

Roofing materials arrived this morning. Ryan took home a bunch of Lizzie’s leftovers. He made a joke about the CBD chews.

Nice sunset.

Good Memories

Lizzie loved her home in Tiverton and the field and the yard in Mashpee. She was starting to enjoy the yard here in Williamstown.

She liked to walk in the street, which was very dangerous here.

She was curious about everyone who came to the house.

She and Ron were great pals, especially on their walks.

She was sweet-natured and loving.

Angry

Lizzie’s passing has made me angry at her former owners.

I understand why they gave her up and perhaps I’d have done the same under the circumstances.

Even so, I think it was wrong to put her through changes in the last months of her life.

It’s been a relatively temperate winter here, but colder than in Tiverton.

I miss her but not her pain or blindness or cleaning up after her or the frustration of not knowing how to end her suffering. We spared nothing except experiences that maybe would have made us feel better but which she hated: grooming, having her nails clipped.

Anger is supposedly a stage of grieving, in which case I’m on track for depression next, then acceptance.

I hope Ron is okay. We did go to bed together last night, for the first time in many months. Evidently that’s something we both missed.

I was relieved to not have to send Liz out in bitter cold this morning or to creep around, fearing to wake her up, or to put barricades up around areas where she’d try to hide, get stuck and whimper or worse, get hurt.

She’s Gone

Lizzie’s body is in a very beautiful part of Bennington.

I hope her spirit is with her brother and the people and places she loved.

I miss her, of course.

After we got back from Bennington, Ron and I did a couple of hours of light housework before our new carpenter and his wife came to check out my list of tasks.

It’s a surprise to realize how much time we spent trying to meet Lizzie’s needs: taking her out, cooking for her, being sure she had water, treats, grooming her (a little), trying to figure out what she wanted or needed. Other things were sacrificed as a result.

No wonder I’ve been exhausted and irritable. No wonder Ron’s mental capacity deteriorated over the last year. Since Lizzie came to live with us, he stayed up until midnight, 1 am, 2 am to keep her company and take her outside.

We both are feeling guilty anyway, but it’s astounding how much we got done this afternoon without having the worry of a very elderly, fragile dog.

Then again, busy-ness might be part of the grieving process, at least for some of us.

If Only

… I’d taken the cash offer or at least negotiated.

Scheduled the closing for November 30 instead of the 29th.

Ron had given me more help with organizing and packing.

The moving company hadn’t sent an asshat for a driver.

Ron and Lizzie had stayed in the Wareham motel on the night of November 29.

Ron had been willing to part with LPs and other “junk”.

Ron hadn’t wrecked his van; that started a decline in our way of life.

We’d moved sooner when Lizzie was better.

Lizzie hadn’t been so ill.

Lizzie

‘Tis a fearful thing
to love what death can touch.
A fearful thing
to love, to hope, to dream, to be –
to be,
And oh, to lose.
A thing for fools, this,
And a holy thing,
a holy thing
to love.
For your life has lived in me,
your laugh once lifted me,
your word was gift to me.
To remember this brings painful joy.
‘Tis a human thing, love,
a holy thing, to love
what death has touched.

– Yehuda HaLevi

(1075 – 1141) was a Spanish Jewish physician, poet and philosopher. 

Vonage; CC5 Fails

We received the Vonage modem yesterday. I installed it this morning and requested that Spectrum cancel the Voice service.

Cape Cod Five has embarrassed itself again, seem unable or unwilling to trace the closing package they claim was delivered yesterday and either can’t or won’t provide the tracking number.

Turns out, the package was delivered yesterday to a mailbox. Just not ours. No delivery receipt requested. The neighbor at No. 64 dropped it off a few minutes ago. I opened a case with Fedex; they were equally surprised it wasn’t dropped at the door.

In complete disgust, I applied for a “Green” loan from Greylock, and pulled my application from Cape Cod Five. Maybe just as well: lower interest rate for the same home improvements we wanted to finance, like insulation, windows, roof, etc.

Garage floor is wet again, but the ceiling looks dry.

Cancelled Ron’s vehicle registration, removed his auto from the insurance policy. It wasn’t necessary for him to turn in the plates. I am mighty impressed that the Registry database was updated immediately.

Ron made an appointment for Lizzie’s euthanization tomorrow at Mt. Vincent Vet Hospital. She and I went out earlier in the rain. She’s asleep now but was stumbling around badly before, and that’s dangerous for her and for us, too.