A couple of Cape Cod websites have been running stories on the problems that some younger families have making a living and buying property in the region.
By coincidence, yesterday, I happened to be in a room full of Gen Xers, many of whom have been able to buy homes in areas much more expensive than this one.
These GenXers have a couple of things in common.
First, the young women all have good jobs, one even in the six-figure range according to her proud father.
Second, they live in two-income households.
Third, they deferred starting families until they bought their homes and established themselves professionally.
For months, we’ve been deluged with “ain’t it awful” tales of woe in the local press. This weekend, for the first time, I noticed a backlash: interestingly enough, even people in their thirties wrote in to complain about the endless complaining.
We all suffer the consequences of poor decisions, and I’m no exception. It bothers me, though, when people are so inflexible that they lack the ability to adapt decisively to their circumstances.
For example, a firefighter who works in the town of Truro, where the average house price is over half a million dollars, was griping because he can’t afford to buy there.
I’m sure a lot of people would love to live in Truro. Unfortunately, there’s a certain amount of dues-paying that goes along with that. Unless you’re born rich, you have to kiss an awful lot of fanny to rise high enough in business to afford a $500,000 house in a remote area. I’m not saying that’s right, but that’s life.
On the other hand, one could say that it’s in the town’s enlightened self-interest to provide affordable housing to emergency services personnel. That would be up to its citizens to decide. Until such time as that happens, though, the young firefighter has some fairly straightforward choices to make: go to work in a town that’s more affordable or give up on the notion of buying property in Truro and be a renter.
Money decisions like that one might be hard, even wrenching, to implement, but they are easier than other decisions that are not so clear-cut.
My sister and I recently experienced one of the toughest ones: what level of care to be given to our mother, who at age 96 was exhausted from a debilitating, incurable illness.
Having lived through that, I’m sorry, but I have very little patience with the gripes about real estate, jobs, cost of living and the rest of it.
Some years ago, my late mother lent me $2,500. I’d completely forgotten about it until she brought it up. Unfortunately, it was during a time in which we were estranged, so I assumed at first that it was vengeance on her part.
Turns out, she was absolutely right: I owed her the money. Once my anger subsided and I started seeing clearly, I paid her back, immediately, with more interest than she expected.
It involved sacrifice, but it was the right thing to do, and I’m glad that I faced up to that obligation.
More importantly, it required humility, the recognition that although I may have had grievances with this person, in the end, I had a debt that needed to be repaid.
As her condition deteriorated this year, I recognized something else, that this woman who had hurt me so much through the years was, after all, only human. She’d done the best she could and in retrospect, had passed along values, mostly by example, that were a solid legacy.
This past summer, I realized that the owner of the company where I worked, a man I greatly respected and admired, despised me, loathed the sight of me. I talked with my manager about this, but he wasn’t able to face the situation, trying instead to keep me insulated from his boss’s wrath.
One day, I’d reached a breaking point and ended up in the HR director’s office, sobbing uncontrollably. I ended up in the hospital shortly thereafter, the result of accumulated stress which could have killed or crippled me.
As a result, it’s been necessary to make some changes, negotiate or renegotiate agreements and most importantly, to face my limitations in a way I haven’t had to up to now.
A couple of points in all this.
First, we can’t always get what we want, be who we want to be or live where we wish to live.
Second, there’s nothing wrong with sacrifice if it’s for a good end.
Third, self-respect is earned, not conferred by other people.
Fourth, bad decisions can be overcome by focus, adaptability and negotiation.
Fifth, at a certain point in life, it makes no sense to blame your parent(s) for your mistakes.
Sixth, some decisions are harder than others. Learning to distinguish between them helps us conserve our energy for the really tough ones.