Month: December 2015

I was running on all 6 cylinders today.

Picked up goods for Edgewater at the Senior Center; bought a nice bouquet for Peter and Bonnie to ask for their forgiveness for my (in retrospect) incomprehensible audacity; drove Robert to work; got a cortisone shot from Alissa Devito at Dr. Calianos’ office.  She is superb.  She thinks I have neuropathy in my fingers and has ordered a nerve test with Dr. Leahy.

I tried to donate blood but the cortisone shot made me ineligible.

Talked with Tom Fudala at Town Hall about SPE site maps and his philosophy on open space (for it) and his opinion of the new Town Manager (enthusiastic thumbs up).

Put up Ron’s bulletin board (ooga).  Did 8 minutes of yard work at Edgewater and drove James to work.  Shopped for a couple of items on the way back.

Signed, stamped and addressed all my holiday cards.

More t-shirt weather: 63°!

I’ve realized that I’ve been mimicking two especially ugly forms of parental abuse that I learned from Rose and Ed Cohen:  arrogantly intruding on my son and DIL’s privacy and screaming at everyone and about everything.

Fuck the Cohens.

My job from now until the end of my life will be to try to heal the damage that adoption did to me as a tiny girl.  The damage happened, and I can’t do anything about that, but I can make the best possible effort to counteract the consequences.

Where the hell did I ever get off thinking that Peter and Bonnie’s relationship is any business of mine?  And why have I been so mean to people since I was a kid?

Ron thinks I am good by nature but influenced by bad, and the two have been fighting each other for decades.

I hope that my family can forgive the bad.

With Peter at Edgewater and Jerry T at the Transfer Station.

I’ve been stress eating to “fill” my damaged under 5 year old self, the age of trauma associated with BPD and Reactive Attachment Disorder.

Suicide is only one of multiple doors.

We had a nice evening with the White Lion gang at Casa Vallarta.  I’m sure their kitchen staff thinks that I’m insane.  Next time, I’ll buy drinks for the dishwashers.

Drove James to and from work yesterday.

Was wishing I could run away and live in the woods.

We are planning to have pizza and beer with Jerry tonight to talk about the Association.

 

So far today, we brought James to his bank before it closed and to Game Stop for Christmas shopping; visited the Wampanoag craft fair; bought and froze on-sale protein at Roche and another box of gluten-free cake mix at Stop & Shop; mailed the street census to the Town Clerk; picked up books at the library and donuts at Cape Cod Donuts.

Ron experimented here with the new gutter guards that we got at Lowe’s last weekend but they don’t work; maybe at Edgewater.

I have The Cake in the oven and laundry in the dryer.

Both of the boys were here for a while.  Robert made peppermint bark for Peter and James hung out here until it was time for Ron to drive him to work.

I checked out the price of fluorescent tube bulbs at True Value: almost twice what we paid at Lowe’s.

Yesterday, I brought gluten-free pizza and salad for lunch for all of us at the bakery.  Brought Robert, too; he and Liz had a good conversation, lasted about an hour.

After bringing Robert home, I picked up Cindy’s tree at Botello and delivered it to her house.  Gassed up the truck at the Falmouth Stop & Shop and found actual powdered icing at Shaw’s for The Cake!

Worked out a way to trim images on the fly for Jim.  Unfortunately, his server is down and won’t be on line until Tuesday.

Pan-seared chicken and salad for supper.

While waiting for James at Roche, Ron and Robert were temporarily encumbered by the Mashpee Christmas parade.

I touch your pants and all at once the sparks go flying
Those devil pants that know so well the art of lying
And though I see the danger, still the flame grows higher
I know I must surrender to your pants of fire
Just like a torch, they set the soul within me burning
I must go on, I’m on this road of no returning
And though it burns me and it turns me into ashes
My whole world crashes without your pants of fire

I can’t resist them, what good is there in trying?
What good is there denying they’re all that I desire?
Since first I saw them my heart was theirs completely
If I’m a slave, then it’s a slave I want to be

Don’t pity me, don’t pity me [x2]

Give me your pants , the pants you only let me borrow
Love me tonight and let the devil take tomorrow
I know that I must have your pants although it dooms me
Though it consumes me, the pants of fire!

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/hughlaurie/kissoffire.html

Finished the ServSafe food prep course yesterday.  Mostly just common sense but some good technical information as well.

Picked up trash at the top of Old Barnstable Road between Routes 28 and 130.

Found a good deal on lights at CVS and my favorite shampoo at Job Lot.  Drove Robert and James to work and picked Robert up.  Helped fold “Splash” at Jerry’s house: what a jewel, gorgeous kitchen!  Ron forgot to get James.  Salad and leftover spaghetti for supper.  Fixed a couple of bugs in the MRS admin schedule dropdown.  Closed out my little Fidelity IRA account.

We’ve been concentrating on the lawn and gutters, so today I did some serious fall cleanup in the front.  Mowed up more leaves but mainly cleaned out flower beds.

Loaded up the truck and brought the mess to the transfer station, along with a couple of bottles of oil-based stuff from Edgewater, a moldy loaf of bread and trash I picked up this morning at the entrance to the development, a whole shopping bag full.  There was also a hypodermic needle which Ron offered to bring to the police station for disposal on his way to the bakery.

Brought James to work and took some pix of our holiday lights.  Made a layered casserole with refrieds, hamburg, spinach and carrots, potatoes and cheese.

I was Remy’d on the way back.  Remy greated me with a big grin but when I offered him a dog biscuit, he walked away, circled about 180 degrees, and stood about twenty feet away, staring at me dolefully.  Fortunately, I found a bag of treats and gave him 3.  I hope he’s forgiven me.

My back has been screaming for the last 2 hours, but we got everything done today that we’d hoped to accomplish:

Laundered and changed sheets;

Cleared top gutter at Edgewater if needed (it was fine);

Transfer station;

Washed blanket and other whites;

Aired the spread;

Picked up a fluorescent light for the office and some things for the house at Lowe’s Wareham;

Put up holiday lights, a feat we accomplished without wanting to strangle each other!

We loaded and spread more compost on the two new garden plots and cleaned the front gutters at Edgewater.

Ron let me take his hours today at the bakery, which gave me 17 for the week.  Along with the usual, I washed 3 cement mixers and a full set of Silpats and did some labelling and packing as well.

Came home with a package of chopped dates and a big bag of slightly burnt pumpkin muffins.

Ron dropped by the bakery for his check, and as he watched, I endorsed mine with an FDO and my personal account number.

Incredibly, Ron instructed the teller to cash the check and deposit it to the joint account.