Doing, i.e., filling every waking minute with a task, chore or activity, isn’t making me particularly happy.
Sure, it’s not a bad thing to respect time as any other non-renewable resource. The problem with doing, though, is that it’s like having: you can accumulate accomplishments in the same way as goods, but at the end of the day, all those goals achieved seem to vanish into thin air.
Why would that be so?
This year, I was able to to do a decent job of maintaining two yards and moreover, to fund some home improvements at Castle Ravayne.
One of the hardest parts was prioritizing what we could collectively afford and what would have to put off.
It was hard because I would have liked to have finished everything, in the same manner as the more affluent in my acquaintance are able to do.
Because we could prudently only do so much, though, I felt like a failure rather than being pleased with the progress made.
I failed to see the worth in paying cash and with having the same skilled tradespeople come back to do more work because they know they’ll be treated fairly and with respect.
Similary, I failed to see the worth in doing my usual volunteer stints, including helping a colleague find a good new employee (and the employee find a job), and throwing business at a couple of local companies which otherwise wouldn’t have had the revenue.
I failed to take pride in doing solid, quality work for the people who have paid me, the proof being that we are still on cordial terms, and in being a good friend, grandmother, mother and mother-in-law, the same proof applying.
What am I, stupid?
Well, I’m not stupid, but I have been looking at my life through someone else’s warped window, and a poorly designed one at that.
Fact of the matter is, the values I grew up with, and the values of most of the people I know, equate personal success with none of these things: honor, integrity, generosity.
Rather, you achieve status and recognition by being (with your adoring spouse) the host of a large group in your big house for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and with beating vendors down so that you could brag afterwards about what a great deal you got on the big screen TV that entertains the group afterwards.
Fact is, even though I know how to do it, I wouldn’t _want_ to prepare and clean up a dinner for dozens. And having been asked earlier this year if I would ever want a spouse or SO, I honestly had to answer, “No”; at this point, the enthusiasm for an iffy payback just isn’t there.
The holidays can be a dismal time, and not just because the days are getting shorter, but because expectations are so unrealistically, crazily out of whack.
Instead, I’ve made plans to spend Thanksgiving with a close friend in a beautiful wooded lakeside setting that has the added benefit of not costing us a dime.
I’ll be taking my grandchildren to Newport for New Year’s Eve weekend, something we did last year which they (and I) enjoyed enormously and are all looking forward to.
Next week, CapeCoder is sponsoring a technical presentation, with pizza and SWAG, for the local Microsoft user group which I’ve led for the past several years. There will be a small but enthusiastic audience, and (so far) the weather is predicted to be decent.
I’ve mentioned a get-together to friends during the holidays, and hope Peter and his gang can come over for his birthday dinner in mid-December.
Maybe the grandkids and I can have our annual cocoa and Christmas tree decorating party, something Emme and I especially like because we enjoy rediscovering and hanging our favorite ornaments.
And rather than craft fairs, which are generally predictable events, I’ll do a Christmas stroll or two.
Looking at the list above, who wouldn’t be grateful, appreciative, and even take some measure of pride, even though this wasn’t the year for a big house, professional prestige and tons of money?
Someone who needs to get a new window, that’s who.