Not all adoptive parents are self-centered boobs. Here’s a quote from a an extraordinary adoptive mother in Australia who really, really “gets it”:
1. Deal with your infertility….NOW
2. Do not think adopting a child is the answer to your grief due to your infertility.
3. Stop reading happy adoption blogs. Read blogs by adoptees so you can better understand what your son or daughter will be experiencing.
4. Ask yourself…can I really accept that this child has a real live true mother that will always be a part of her whether I ever have the opportunity to know or meet them during our life together.
5. Ask yourself….can I love my child for who SHE or HE is without trying to make them into a mini me.
6. Ask yourself…..do you understand that the adoption of this child is totally based on LOSS for the first mom and the child.
7. Ask yourself…do you have the empathy and the tools to help navigate your child through their loss’s and grief.
8. Read, read, read, and learn, learn, learn. Do you understand the inner life of an adopted child? Probably not unless you were adopted yourself. It doesn’t matter if you have a second cousin or friend of a friend of a friend who was adopted and they ‘turned out just fine’. What matters is that you are prepared to bless YOUR child by being knowledgeable and prepared for the road ahead. Don’t take adoption lightly. Don’t get caught up in thinking ‘ahhh…we’ve reached the solution to making our family and now we can just relax and enjoy.
The same blog which quoted the mother above has information on a film about women who were coerced into giving up their children called “Gone to a Good Home”.
It’s appalling that the abuse of birthmothers happened in places other than the United States. One wonders if this is because of the influence of the Catholic Church or possibly a common academic source of destructive social engineering theories.